fresh and familiar

My brother told me ages ago to open a blog here, but I never listened to him. It came to a point where I had forgotten all about his suggestions and found myself here one day reading someone else's writings. Next thing you know.. here I am .. with little brother in tow saying "I told you so." At least he's nicer about it than I would have ever been to him.

I decided to gather my favorite of favorites from other blogs and re-publish them here. Fun to read and sometimes even funny - always worth another [or a first] look.

And I'm here for now, so let the fun begin -- same ol' me in a brand new format.

People think that I'm an intolerant person. I'm actually not. Well, I am, but for all things stupid and lacking in any common sense. I'm also quite intolerant of my younger brother - but it's a sibling thing. It's nothing personal.

Overall, though, I have tons of endurance when it comes to physical pain, discomfort, and general malaise. I usually can get through sicknesses without going to a doctor, which isn't always the best policy. But hey... it's me.

I have had some ear problems for the past few days. I know I need to go see an ENT, but I'm not too thrilled. Meanwhile, after about 1 day or so of pain and itching, it all subsided to be replaced by a fucking incessant ringing, that, obviously, I only hear when things around me pipe down. It's like a fire alarm, only it's one steady, long, never-fucking ending pitch and it just beeeeeeeeps. I don't know how I haven't struck a coworker in a fit of frustration. Yet.

I'm going to go see the damned ENT by the end of the week, but after checking my symptoms on WebMD, it's nothing that dire. "Millions of people suffer from [ringing of the ears] and there's not much that doctors can do about it." Well, that's really fucking comforting! Thanks for the great news.

I know it isn't the worst thing in the world, but it's annoying as nails on a chalkboard. At least I can still hear through it.. for now.

Miracle Ear, here I come [in 20 years] !!

chompin

[written 2/25/08]

What a fucking dirty world we live in. Here's the solution to half the world's problems : money.

So so dirty, but we need it. Hell, at least I do. And I forget just how good it really feels to have some money in the bank because I'm such a broke-ass usually. I would like to thank the U.S. Treasury for giving me my amazing tax refund today, and making my week worth looking forward to. Thanks USA!

Hehehe. Anyway. Life still sucks when you have money... but somehow it sucks a little less when your stomach is full of delicious food and your bills are paid up.

I'll tell you now, I hate people, all of them, and it's hard for me to look at someone at not tear them down in my mind. Then I talk to them, and I feel guilty about judging them as harshly as I did a minute before. 
Sometimes, of course, I don't feel any remorse, because my mental allegations are right on-point. in fact, this is more often than not, which feeds my chronic hatred even more.

There are so many variations of behaviors that get my blood fucking boiling. I think I should wear my headphones when I'm not planning to be in direct contact with anyone. The one thing I can't control is the way that the people close to me behave. I have to learn to never expect anything from anyone, so my panties don't get all tied up when I am disappointed by someone else... and ultimately avoid disappointment altogether because I just won't care anymore.

In 11th grade, I had an amazing history teacher, and he always had a key phrase written in the corner of his blackboard. It was perennial advice and was never erased throughout the school year. 3 words: TRUST NO ONE. I should have listened then. It would have saved me time and anguish.

self-actualization

[written 4/10/08]

Almost 3 years ago, I posted a blog about self-actualization, and I think it's time we brushed up on the subject.
That blog that I speak of was the first blog I ever wrote on Myspace, and I find it amusing that it's the first thing I ever felt like sharing with you Myspacers.

So what's the deal? This is the deal, the definition:

"What humans can be, they must be. They must be true to their own nature. This need we may call self-actualization".

Let it sink it. Read it again. "Whatever humans can be, they MUST be."

We can't stifle ourselves, that's for certain. 
If we CAN do, then we should do. So long as the action doesn't hurt anyone or thing, then you're better off getting whatever you want to do our of your system, before it eats you alive. Or worse, you grow old and bitter because you suck and you never did what you wanted.

There are 4 areas of life that need to be taken care of in order to achieve total happiness.

Your physical needs - duh - if you don't pee or poop or sleep - you'll fucking die - so this is a little more dire than happiness. This stuff takes precedence.

Safety and stability- you can't be happy if you don't know how you're going to pay your bills, or if you move around alot, etc. Everyone wants to feel safe, period.

Love and social acceptance - if people aren't loved or accepted by society/peers etc., then we've got cases like Columbine et al. in our hands. Fuck that shit. Be kind to everyone, lest you be targeted for being a jerk.

Esteem and self acceptance - I say it all the time - if you don't feel good about yourself, then what do you have? Let's be straight.. you need to look in the mirror and feel like you're awesome. Its important for the soul.


Let's try to be happy in life, people. Let's make decisions for ourselves and not because of what others will think. It's all we can do, this is life.

i love you!

[written 7/24/07]


This has been brewing in my craw for weeks now, and I haven't had the urge or the time to get it down on paper. Um, ahem, virtual paper.

Why are people so careless with the word "love" and why is the phrase "I love you" seemingly disposable?

No one can really measure true love, when it begins, or how it is felt.

But love takes time. It grows and flourishes. It takes work and sacrifice and compromise. You don't know if you really love someone until the going gets tough. A handful of laughs and good times does not equate to love in my book, or in the fucking real world either.


Personally, I have been in love three times, and only said "I love you" when I really felt it, and after extended periods of pondering if it really was love at all.

Cue Whitesnake : "...is this love.. that i'm feeling... is this the love that i've been searchin' for?"

Each time I have fallen has been deeper than the last, and often to my surprise. It makes me particularly wary of love, because the depth of the love one feels directly correlates to the pain felt for it.



Let's face it: everyone wants to be in love. I don't care you who are or who you think you are. People want love. People need it, as much as they need food and water.

However, too many people confuse true love with "fake love". What I mean by fake love is this ideal - and I read this in a book by genius Chuck Klosterman entitled Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs - fake love is that stuff that romantic comedy movies and TV sitcoms bank on.
It is contrived over and over again by smart producers and directors for the illogical masses; for the throngs of morons in this country who demand to see what they deem perfect and what they've concluded is their ultimate desire.


Let's face it again: In the pursuit of the above-mentioned fantasy, people jump into commitments for the wrong reasons, and undoubtedly shatter their lives by marrying or bringing a baby into the fold. 

More often than not, the truth comes out. Real love survives any test... while forced, fake love finds the former lovebirds at each other's throats. Forever. Sounds like a terrible way to live.

So, if it comes down to being alone or sharing your life with someone you don't love for the sake of companionship, which would be wiser?

I know what would be best for me, so I'm not asking for advice. It's just food for thought.

euthanize the ignorant

[written 3/1/07]

Or in other words, kill the stupid.

I'm serious here, and you'll stop laughing when I preside over your sorry ass [when I rule the world] and execute you myself.

That's right. I'm planning my own holocaust, my own "ethnic cleansing" if you will, but instead of killing ethnic groups, I just killing the STUPID.
I'm not talking mentally disabled or otherwise physically limited. They can stay, because even these people who are stereotypically "dim" are worthier of life than the retards I'm about to discuss.

I'm talking JUST PLAIN STUPID.

This has nothing to do with IQ, spelling, grammar, intellect or education.

These are the people who make foolish decisions and/or continue to make the same mistakes (more than 3 or 4 times), and lead-lined morons who can't take a hint or are otherwise too arrogant to see their downfalls and limitations.

I am very patient with others, because as I have previously stated, I have come to sadly realize that very few people (I know about 3, maybe 4) are anywhere near as intelligent as I am.
I know that some people can't do more than what they are doing now, and since that's the best they can do, I accept it. A+ for effort.

I have been mistaken in the past, assuming others are actually smart and apply common (UNcommon actually, because the word itself alludes that EVERYONE has it) sense to everyday problems.

It's sad and infuriating, especially when I KNOW that people know better, and yet choose to play hapless victims to life's cruel ploys.

SPARE ME. 

GROW UP.

If I could carry a sniper rifle around that would just be fucking awesome.  But... since murder is pretty much against the law, it's all just fantasy.  But what a dream - to never have to deal with another moron again - oh how that would just rock my world.

It's not me...

[written 8/1/06]

Why is it that when people don't like something that you have to say the automatically write it off as a character flaw of yours?? Look above this blog and you'll read my favorite line ever :

It's not pms, it's YOU.

I've been accused of having PMS, and even been accused of "being on the rag" [very classy], but the truth of the matter is .. it's you that I don't like, motherfucker! It's got nothing to do with the female biological functions. 

Unless I'm at work, I am very guarded. I don't believe in letting strangers into my life "just because". Everyone close to me has proved to be worthy and earned my trust. I don't just give myself away. No one should.. but I can't control anyone else's actions. I can only worry about me. 

"You're so negative, Cristina..", you say. 

And you know what I say to you? Phooey. I'm realistic. If I was so negative, I wouldn't appreciate the little things that life gives us. 

The only thing I know for sure is that you can't trust anyone completely. I don't care who they are.. family, friends, lovers. I don't care. People lie. Don't kid yourself hon. It's the truth.



I have always said there are only two sides to everything - the black and the white. VERY rarely is there a gray area. I'm not saying it doesn't exist at all. I'm just saying it's not as prevalent as people would prefer it to be.

kiss my ass, carrie

[written 3/27/06]

I was sitting around trying to find something good on TV last week, and I stumbled onto Sex and the City on TBS. I've seen most of the episodes, and for the most part I really do like the show. HOWEVER, and this is a biggie, so brace yourself - I am not really too fond of Carrie. Yes, save your gasps and oohs and aahs. It's true, and it's almost a hatred that I have for her.

"HOW? How can you hate my beloved Carrie?!", You cry.

Because she's like a Barbie doll, she's an ideal that you wish you were (and by "you", I really mean YOU, because I certainly don't mean myself). In the The best example of this is the Series Finale, when she ends up with Big. HELLO? Was anyone watching the series? All of a sudden this arrogant fucker becomes the man of her dreams? 
What a crock. And all to appease all those dumbass fans who hope and pray that their assholes "comes around" one day. Sorry losers, but in real life that seldom happens. I would have preferred the Russian over this crap.

But I do like the other girls enough to keep watching. Even Charlotte! 

Anyway, the episode was when Samantha is going through her first rounds of chemo, and Carrie tells the Russian about this (another idiot, which makes me hate the girl more - she had a penchant for idiots). This is the Russian's only shining moment, because he's completely realistic when he responds, "Your friend could die."

The bitch goes on a rant about how her friend won't die, and refuses to accept that this can happen. She goes on to write in her Doogie-reminiscent journal-style about DENIAL. She is convinced that denial is necessary in order to survive, and she poses the question : Denial: Friend or Foe?
FOE, BITCH. It's a foe.

Although we all need a certain dosage of denial in order to live from day to day, there are too many people living in denial that's neck-deep.
And then here comes dumbass Carrie to encourage this behavior! 

Ignoring the truth won't make it go away. Bills pile up, people get sicker, loves don't return, society will judge on appearance, etc. These are the facts, ladies and gentlemen. This is LIFE. It's not pretty, but I didn't make the rules. Quit your whimpering, you pussy. It won't change it. 


--


Meanwhile, I really don't think that anyone ought to retain the privilege of having children anymore. There should be a license required. In order to receive this license you must pass a battery of tests on mental acuity. Anyone who fails should be immediately sterilized, so that they may have all the sex they want without risking our society of falling further into the pit in which it is in.

Once in a while I meet some people that are genuinely sincere. NOT EVERYONE IS AN ASSHOLE. But don't count yourself in this group too soon. There's a good chance I'm not talking about you. Ha ha.

time

[written 11/27/05]

The picture to your right is a scan of an actual piece of wood hanging here in my house. Apparently, years ago my grandmother found it in a Reader's Digest and liked it SO much that she cut it out, stained it, burnt the edges, and glued it to the wood. Crafty, eh! I grew up walking past it, and never really paid it much attention. Just another decoration on the wall.

I hung it up just this summer, and now I walk past it everyday again. Just when I begin to take life for granted, things have a way of reminding me of how finite this situation we are in is. 

People freak out when I say I don't want to have children. Why? Why does it make you uncomfortable that I have come to terms with this? Life is painful, for the most part, and I choose to lessen the pain for myself, as well as not bring someone else into this. Another major reason why is because by the time humans reach their early teens they start snubbing their parents and before you know it they have no idea what their kid (shhh.. shhh. it's my mom calling..) is really doing and are basically just financial backers until the kid gets his/her shit together (which ranges from age 18 to never). I personally don't think I could handle giving my life to something only to have it leave in the end. Anyone out there shaking their head give me a fucking break, ok? When was the last time you spent quality time with your mom/dad/other besides Thanksgiving? Fuck off. I'm right.

I read in a book that human souls are all connected, like one big tree. Some souls are closer to you, like on the same branch. Some are closer still, like on the same twig on that branch. The book is by Brian Weiss, M.D., of Many Lives, Many Masters fame. This book is called Only Love is Real. If you read either, your perspective on life will change, or at the very least these books will inspire some serious thought about what life is about, in a totally un-religious, refreshing way.

I personally think, without giving away the books, that the point of life is to find our soul-mates (branch-mates, if you will) [not just lovers, but certain friends & family members, people you feel unusually connected to] and commit as many good times as we can to our memories.